Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Signup Deadline for Viña Casa Marin Hash 148 is Today!

Remember: The Signup Deadline is Today
Carpe Diem!

Hash 148: Viña Casa Marin - the posh hash - looms large on the horizon, but we need a head-count for the world-class chefs to send out the right number of truffling pigs! Don't be mean to the pigs. They are hungry & raring to go!

Let them practice their art and don't miss out on this unique opportunity to go out and get intimate with the grapes at a small coastal vineyard among new friends and good cheer!

The complete program, menu and details are here. Check it out & get your payment in by 5pm today, Wednesday April 23. What better way to celebrate the 29th birthday of New Coke than by signing up for a first-class gourmet experience that shows your love for finer food and wine by becoming one with the terroir?

We have a limited number of seats available so act before 2pm to get the best seats on our luxury coach. Avoid the effort and risks of drinking and driving! Complimentary massages and false advertising are included in the purchase price, so act now!

Friday, 18 April 2014

Hash 147 - Easter Comes Too Soon

We seem to be in a groove, so to speak, aptly matching hash dates to anniversaries of great consequence to space exploration. Make of that what you will, but I think I know a lot more about the feeling of zero gravity since I started hashing, so it feels relevant. The diligent Hasher will remember that Hash 146 was on the anniversary of Mariner 10 flying past Mercury, and 148, the Winery Hash, will fall on the somewhat less auspicious anniversary of NASA's Ranger 4 crashing into the moon in 1964.

Actual NASA photo of the 1964 incident.
Although hash 147 took place on the 37th anniversary of Yuri Gagarin's flight in Vostok I – the first manned space-flight, and the first manned orbit around the earth, we chose to focus more on the fertility of egg-laying rabbits than on Yuri's trip because that obviously has so much more potential, and the promise of bunny outfits and egg hunts just seemed to align better with proper hash behavior.

The real reason Sir Sump Pump couldn't make it to the Hash.
And so we gathered at the lovely Estadio Corfo, where One Erection graciously procured us a covered outdoor picnic area complete with grill. Estadio Corfo is more a country club than a stadium as such. What's more, this particular one is still widely known by its previous name, Estadio Las Condes, and has an entrance that is unlabeled and not at the nominal street address, making the location challenging to find for first timers. It was a sporty adventure, and Hashers milled around the outside looking a bit like Monty Python's philosophers playing soccer, until the first one found the entrance and the rest quickly followed.

Proper mingling took place as we prepared to go off on our exciting adventure. Here we see more experienced Hashers hydrating in preparation for the arduous trail. 

As you can see, we are a devout bunch and quite set on respecting the delicate traditions of fertility and resurrection that this hash represents, so some of us wore plastic rabbit masks, ears, and other signs of devotion.

We briefly gathered in the traditional circle to go over strategy, trail markings, and such. We were graced on this occasion with a guest General Mismanager, Cumming Up for Air, an important part of Santiago H3 history and an experienced leader, who is visiting from down-over-to-the-left.

Virgins were introduced before setting off

And the hares, the lovely Scrum on my Face and Just Andres, explained the markings and vicissitudes of the trail.
Then then a warmup happened, led by our tireless Beer-Meister, BiWeekly Deposit.

Introductions out of the way, we took off on the trail laid by Scrum on My Face and Just Andrés. The wankers outnumbered the runners by a considerable margin, which was smart, given that there were literal Easter Eggs to be found along the trail and when you're looking down at your feet as you run, trees and cars have a way of jumping out in front of you.
...and that's how Easter Eggs are made.

We few runners failed to find a single egg. Considering the fact that we had a hare with us, and did our level best to corrupt him and have him spill the beans as to the location of these hidden gems, we failed pretty miserably. Not one egg, candied or otherwise was found by the runners. OTOH, the wankers did better. Strip, Minor! and Just Vicky both discovered proper eggs. Alas, the promised prize – a big luscious chocolate egg, had been mislaid, so to speak. Clearly Strip, Minor! and Just Vicky are owed.

Most survived the gently sloping trail with its promise of prizes and rewards. Once back at the ranch, we gathered and mingled while Veni VD Vici, in his capacity as Piss Pourer, set the stage, and then off to Circle. Virgins and those that made them come were tough-love rewarded for their efforts, while Reverse Cowgirl, the Shut-the-Fuck-Upper, enjoyed her gun a little too much!

The usual business was attended to. The trail was declared shitty. Good job, Scrum on my Face and Just Andres. Important business including some garage sales and announcements about English lessons out of the way, we found ourselves in a naming.
She quickly sheds anything that could soak up beer, demonstrating her wisdom in the ways of Namings
...but she took advice from, and trusted the wrong people. So now she must be a proper hasher. Here, your trusty RA explains that she might get a little wet & messy along the way.
"Well, just a little, right?" ... "Would I lie to you?" Do you notice Sir Cumming Up for Air preparing a little surprise behind her?

Welcome to the fold... Strip, Minor! thinks it's pretty funny!

Welcome, one & all, Spank my Pony. Your secrets are safe with us. We're proud to count you in our mystic ranks.

Once the circle was done, we had much grilled meat and hot sauce and plenty of beer, as usual, with the jokes getting funnier as the afternoon wore on. There was a bit of a wedding setting up near us, so we got bathed in the smoke of 2 lambs crucified and burned upright with arms spread - a very Jodorowski sort of scene.

A word of advice - If you're going to have a big fancy wedding at a country club on the same day as a Hash, don't leave cardboard cut-outs of the bride and groom unguarded around a bunch of perverse drunken Hashers while smoking them out with your burning meat. There's an awful lot of lewd selfies floating around the interwebs now of both the bride and groom giving and receiving unspeakable promiscuities with a whole series of random Hashers, it would appear. Just deserts for not moving the damned burning crucifixes ten feet over to avoid smoking out the quincho.

Once again, thanks for the organizational work to Prune, Bi-Weekly Deposit, Mariachi Masturbator, Sir Acting Semen, Moon Job, Sir Cumming Up for Air, and countless others who made this premature Easter Hash a success. We are resurrected, to Hash another day...